Monday, 23 January 2012

The evil I can only commit in games...

Just minding my own business in Whiterun ( a city in Skyrim) when I am stopped in the street by a rather surly gentleman.

"Do you get to the Cloud District very often?" he barks..."Oh what am I saying - of course you don't... "

For those not familiar with the game, he's basically telling me that I am scum and unworthy of hanging about in the presence of the decision makers of Whiterun.

So to deal with his insult...firstly, yes I do! I am a Thane of Whiterun so the Cloud District is most certainly part of my patch.

Secondly..."Say what Nazeem you cheeky motherfu..! I am Dovahkiin, the hero of Skyrim and friend to all the most powerful people in the country...But most worryingly for you I am also the evil bugger in charge of the Dark Brotherhood and I don't take too kindly to jumped up farty little blow-hards like yourself trying to add inches to their willy!"

The following actions were viewed, almost as a slide-show, through a red mist and a veil of screaming voices. :-)

*Casts Soul Trap*
*Beheads Nazeem with my two handed Ebony Blade named 'Mordegard'*
*Uses Black Soul gem to capture and hold Nazeem's pitiful and withered soul*
*Enchants the cheapest and most feeble steel dagger I could find  with Nazeem's tormented essence*
*Creeps into Nazeem's home at night
*Slits his wife's throat with the same steel blade*
*Imagines Nazeem's torment through glazed eyes, and pulls a shit eating grin*
*Hurls blooded dagger into the sewers of Riften*
*Lets Nazeem rust and suffer forever in a fermenting shit hole*

Don't mess with me, I have unresolved issues...

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