Monday, 28 May 2012

Awwww Nostalgia

If you're of a certain age, you must have seen this. The Wizard...Like a childrens' version of Rainman...except heavily endorsed by Nintendo.

Incidentally the full film is here...And you may recognise a certain snipers nest from Fallout:NV.

Loved The Wizard, must have watched it about a dozen times, at my next door neighbours house, when I was about 10 or 11. The bitter sweet human interest ending had me all choked up, and the childhood love thing was at just about that time in my life when my head began to think that maybe girls were interesting, and not snot infested and crying  bags of inexplicable emotional failure...No they're not, before anybody thinks I'm going for a cheap gag. I value my testicles too much.

Monday, 14 May 2012

I'm not perfect but

Saw the Avengers yesterday...Very good film...Very good. Inspires me to go out running in an attempt to chisel a Thor like torso.

So anyway, I'm not perfect but...What I would not do is bring a toddler into the cinema with me, and part with £20 for two people plus whatever you pay for the toddler. Why would I not do this? Because I have a brain and know that the rest of the cinema will want to lynch me the minute my kid inevitably freaks out at how loud/dark/confusing it is in the cinema.

Needless to say, about 2 minutes into the start of the film, the very young couple who committed this error of judgement had to leave the cinema. They attempted to come back in, and left within another minute because their spawn was having none of it.

What a waste of cash, and what an annoyance for everybody else in the cinema. Once you have kids, you're socially shafted! Learn this lesson 16 year old slappers (and your soon to be gone boyfriends). Don't inflict the noise your spawn makes on the rest of humanity.

Also, use your indicators correctly on roundabouts, don't stop dead in the high-street to talk to somebody you know without moving to the side of the path, oh and slow down gradually; don't open your umbrella in my face, and don't share your phone conversation with the train if you're a gobshite...This way you might just stay alive after I cease power.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Mufit Day, or Dress Down Friday

I hate these.

I hate the enforced informality of it all.

I hate the assumption that if you don't want to rock up to work in jeans, you want children to die around the world. I've started baiting people on this one and saying "Read all about Thomas Malthus and his thoughts on the matter!"

I hate having to fork out every single time or be seen as a pariah.

They're just crap.

But I am reminded of one that happened many moons ago at school. It was a dress down Friday but this simple message somehow got twisted, in the mind of one particular chappie, into Fancy Dress Friday.

Needless to say, when Friday rolled up and everybody turned up at school in Jeans and whatever fashion wear was the in thing in the early 90s (think shell suits, lots and lots of garish shell suits)...This one poor chappie strolls up in a full on bad-ass Cowboy outfit complete with fake moustache, sheriff's badge and two cap guns slung casually from a very masculine pistol belt.

Now if I was him, once I had gotten close enough to school to realise that nobody else was in fancy dress, I would have run home and changed into my jeans. What I would not have done is commit social suicide by rocking into school dressed like the bloody Riviera Kid.

Can you imagine the humiliation of sitting in geography, soaking up all the laughter from your peers because you're wielding a pair of six shooter's with a 10 gallon hat balanced on your bonce? Hindsight being 20/20, what with everybody else wearing either stone washed denim or a loud, and probably turquoise, shell-suit, he was likely the least ridiculous looking person in the room.