Controlling Ejaculation

Ninja Style

Seriously though...WTF? I mean, the music alone is now stuck in my head...and if I want to see two beefcakes and a ninja play with their bollocks, I've got a guy I call to sort me some of that out...

The whole thing is an unintentional masterwork of comic genius.

• Their deadpan straight faces that don't even crack, even when they're jostling their nads, on camera, 81 times after minute 3.
• The cheesy music.
• The constant repetation of the words 'testicles' and 'anal muscles.'
• Plus, the two topless fellas made me think that Hall and Oates have been hitting the gym.

New TV Comedy

So. Plenty of new comedy on TV at the moment.

Fast and Loose?

Notice Dan Patterson (the man behind Whose Line is it Anyway), is the driving force of this little show. I quite like it, simple throwaway fun for a Friday...Plus it brings Laura Solon and her square (yet somehow alluring) jaw to the screen, and I've always had a thing for Jess Ransom after seeing her in Georgian finery on the Armstrong and Miller show, being chatted up in a most salacious way.

10 o'clock live.

Charlie Brooker, Carr and Mitchell, churning out the same stuff with a hefty hint of bias, but then again that is what channel 4 is about. Entertaining, but having a baying student age audience kind of influences the style of humour that will get a laugh. Do like how Carr is clearly enjoying pushing the boundaries. Lauren is always going to make me throw out the question "what happened to the other females in Kenickie?" You remember them? The fat one? TV is cruel.

TV ruined your life

Charlie Charlie Charlie, what have you done? Chased the pound notes in order to fund your lifestyle (probably a millionaire with his missus now). It appears to be a straight forward regurgitation of Screenwipe, I have noticed several jokes and scenarios repeated...And since Screenwipe was his column turned into TV, it is a case of money for old rope. Cue lots of comments and clichés from me in the vein of returning to the well once too often.

The Cuts...

I'm reserving judgement until October...

But, I am well aware that the huge budget hole needs filling, and who's fault that one was. Spending more cash than the country makes, during the good times! Well done, well done. Idiots, did they really believe they had cured Boom and Bust? I was busy trying to explain that "Labour only looks good because they are buying lots of shiny things on the 'Nation's Credit Card,' " for my super pro-Labour (coal mining, Barnsley) side of the family way back in 2004.

However, I am also aware of the way the media prefers to spin a drama into a crisis at every opportunity and this one is a hum-dinger that will fill air-time for months...Also, I know that Labour spent millions of pounds of taxpayers money trying to control the media, so that they could pretend everything was Hunky Dory. Perhaps people like that, part of me says that a constant drip-feed of depressing news will just breed more negativity...Thus perhaps media manipulation is a good thing?

This lot, don't seem to be as savvy with journalists (or more prudent, I don't have the full facts regards how much they're forking out for PR), and thus without a Campbell breathing down their necks, the media seem to be lining up to beat the shit out of them come October. I wouldn't be surprised if the BBC stick a doomsday countdown in the bottom right of every TV show they broadcast on October the 1st. Also, a minister being tough and taking a firm line, seems to be reported as the minister being an unsympathetic robot. What do the media want? Labour tried to be sweetness and nice and keep things positive even when they were royally fucking things up. The media spit roasted them. This mob are all "Look, shit is happening! Deal with it!" and the media are spitting on their dicks waiting for Halloween.

Still, my hopes that a coalition would cancel out the worst sides of both parties has just highlighted to me with depressing clarity...Why walk the centre ground? You will merely piss off the left wing and the right wing in equal measure because your left will not be left enough, nor your right right enough.

It's time the parties drifted back to their roots.

So come October, I may be out on my arse...I may have to cease to be a public servant, and sell my soul to the private sector once more. Go and work for a bank...Well if you can't beat them.

That or lead the revolution :D

A Dripfed 2 Minute Production

Election Fallout

I know the numbers and the maths, but it still doesn't smell right.

You did worse than the Tories, as did you...But together you combine as Voltron and instantly have the right to say "Hey, we won!" I just hear the endless numbers game played out across the BBC's coverage and think...FFS...This number of votes has won in the past! But now it is being hailed as a mandate for change, or even as a Clarion call for Labour to still run the country...Smells a bit off.

The other way round doesn't quite smell as bad since it is the party that won the most votes and seats having some kind of return for that. If all we have to look forward to are endless rounds of this and shady deals behind closed doors then...Ugh! It was the shady deal between Brown and Blair that did so much damage to Labour's ability to deliver. Internal power games that created a caustic environment in which the prick we have now acted like a spoilt child because he thought he had the God given right to rule. Much as I disliked Blair, I wonder how much of his end of term wobble was down to Brown being a fucker?

I wouldn't mind AV+ or PR coming into play, and I really don't see it as a way to keep the Tories out of power forever, which is really what the left is aiming for, lets be honest...It's not for any greater good, it's seen as a rod to beat the Tories and hence 'oh what larks.' A leftist pact fucks up enough, then there will be a swing. Nobody likes bitter medicine, but there comes a point when you relent.

Scaremongering

Get this latest from the beeb election ticker:-

1048: "There's a substantial risk to the peace process" if the Conservatives win the election, says Northern Ireland Secretary Shaun Woodward. He tells Sky News that Tory cuts to public spending would damage community policing. He says Labour has made great achievements by helping bring political stability to Northern Ireland and David Cameron could jeopardise that.

What a cock. What an utter cock to use the troubles as a 'vote me.' Now, I expect cut and thrust and mistrust etc during this last week, it is an election campaign after all...But this, to use the threat of returning to terrorism, as an reason to vote Labour! Jesus H. Christ they've turned into George W.

The Final Leadership Debate:

Again, no Budd Dwyer moment.

But you're right, Gordon was in the thick of it, and throwing out some seriously stress induced shapes...Shouldn't call core voters bigots, and then attempt to gloss over it really.

Clegg played the same record as before, *haughty look at camera and pause for effect* and the groove is starting to wear out...Gone was his crystal sharp dynamic range, being replaced with a kind of irritating fuzz (these record comparisons doing anything for you? No)

Cameron, was on fire...The pundits and polls agreed.

In the same manner as Clegg a fortnight ago, he engaged the audience and made Gordon look like a toby jug full of warm piss.

I note, some unkindness about his performance from the usual sources (comments on BBC news tickers from voters etc)...You see no answers in his statements, he is all soundbite...Well, Clegg's been doing that for 2 weeks now and seemingly had the punters in the palm of his hand. This exposes the ultimate goal of the TV debate...To weed out the un-photogenic, to remove real substance and replace it with who can say the most ingratiating statements while keeping a stern Hollywood leadership face.

UK politics has simply become more about who has the most media savvy leader, and that seemed to start with Mr. Blair.