Ignoring all the media joy at the entertainingly christened Hurricane Bawbag, this is probably one of many 'wind events' we'll get this year. Our experience of winter weather, heavily depends on what the jet-stream is up to. Judging by past winters, I guess this one will be mild but blowy simply because the jet-stream appears to want to be over the top of the UK this year.
Often wondered why it's not mentioned as much in UK weather forecasting as it is in the USA.
Last year the jet-stream was south of us most winter, so we had cold polar air sat on top, freezing our proverbial off. This year, it has been slap bang over the UK for most of December, hence every Atlantic low pressure system is being dragged over our heads in succession...Windy windy. If the jet is north of us, then we get mild and damp winters.
Take a look at where it is.
Friday, 9 December 2011
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Patronising advert pillocks
Why do the Innocent smoothie people talk to me like I'm 12 and/or have recently suffered a severe head injury!
Examine the evidence
I can clearly see see numerous examples of toss English here that some marketing wazzock thinks is probably pally and hipster-ish. I just think you're a prick if you like this sort of thing, or think other people would.
Example
big cartons for big families.
smaller cartons for less big families.
Starting a sentence with lower case letters = one punch in the face.
'less big' = a lifetime of being endlessly punched by one awesome man.
smoothies made from nothing but nothing but fruit.
Again, no caps = balls put on grill
repeating nothing but = being made to stand in some hard-ass LA county jail courtyard, and yell the N word over and over until you're educated as to the meaning of diversity.
small people.
Just sod off. They're called children. Punishment is set at being torn apart by wild and rabid dogs.
Thing is, in the endless quest to imitate known brands, supermarkets also splash their smoothie cartons with similar patronising drivel. Tesco go on about "splodging together yummy fruits," ASDA enjoy telling us that they "throw in some zing as they mash together their fruits." The Sainsbury's carton was the most surprising though, it read "open wide, there you go, that was yummy wasn't it...And again, weee, there we go. Oops, dropped a bit let Mummy scoop it up for you...There we go...Doctor, do you think this damage is permanent only I'm sure I saw him smile just then like he used to, before the accident...I'm sure it was the same smile...He's still in there somewhere Doctor I know it...I'm sorry Mrs Wilkins but the damage is really quite severe...WHICH IS WHY WE TALK TO YOU THIS WAY YOU TWAT, YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN SO YOU CAN ONLY RESPOND TO SIMPLE BABYISH ENGLISH YOU SMOOTHIE DRINKER YOU!
Examine the evidence
I can clearly see see numerous examples of toss English here that some marketing wazzock thinks is probably pally and hipster-ish. I just think you're a prick if you like this sort of thing, or think other people would.
Example
big cartons for big families.
smaller cartons for less big families.
Starting a sentence with lower case letters = one punch in the face.
'less big' = a lifetime of being endlessly punched by one awesome man.
smoothies made from nothing but nothing but fruit.
Again, no caps = balls put on grill
repeating nothing but = being made to stand in some hard-ass LA county jail courtyard, and yell the N word over and over until you're educated as to the meaning of diversity.
small people.
Just sod off. They're called children. Punishment is set at being torn apart by wild and rabid dogs.
Thing is, in the endless quest to imitate known brands, supermarkets also splash their smoothie cartons with similar patronising drivel. Tesco go on about "splodging together yummy fruits," ASDA enjoy telling us that they "throw in some zing as they mash together their fruits." The Sainsbury's carton was the most surprising though, it read "open wide, there you go, that was yummy wasn't it...And again, weee, there we go. Oops, dropped a bit let Mummy scoop it up for you...There we go...Doctor, do you think this damage is permanent only I'm sure I saw him smile just then like he used to, before the accident...I'm sure it was the same smile...He's still in there somewhere Doctor I know it...I'm sorry Mrs Wilkins but the damage is really quite severe...WHICH IS WHY WE TALK TO YOU THIS WAY YOU TWAT, YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN SO YOU CAN ONLY RESPOND TO SIMPLE BABYISH ENGLISH YOU SMOOTHIE DRINKER YOU!
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Sunday, 14 August 2011
Car based video justice
All you drivers, take heed. Found this a strangely watchable piece of video justice.
I usually just rant and rave in the car about all the fucking dickheads, who should be beaten for, not having the common sense to see that blocking the hard shoulder only makes things worse because it takes longer to clear up the mess afterwards.
You block the shoulder, people can die, but on a selfish level the clean-up wagons can't get to the scene fast enough, ergo road is closed for longer. So this guy has balls of steel.
I usually just rant and rave in the car about all the fucking dickheads, who should be beaten for, not having the common sense to see that blocking the hard shoulder only makes things worse because it takes longer to clear up the mess afterwards.
You block the shoulder, people can die, but on a selfish level the clean-up wagons can't get to the scene fast enough, ergo road is closed for longer. So this guy has balls of steel.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Bollywood is the best
Robot based asskicking Bollywood style!
Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, they go and top it...A giant snake made out of robot blokes...Awesome.
Couldn't work out who was the goody and who was the bady (protagonist and antagonist for those with a university education :whatho: ) All I know is that there will be a lot of children growing up without fathers after that rampage.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, they go and top it...A giant snake made out of robot blokes...Awesome.
Couldn't work out who was the goody and who was the bady (protagonist and antagonist for those with a university education :whatho: ) All I know is that there will be a lot of children growing up without fathers after that rampage.
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
The Mighty Boosch
I didn't get this until season 2...I was too busy dealing with it in my usual manner, being "Every other hipster and tosser likes it, so it's bound to be bollocks!" But then I was offered Baileys by Old Gregg and 'got' the message.
*adopts posh 1960s band member interview voice. Derek Smalls like timbre*
I think you'll find...yeah...That the Boosch are like the inner child, that wasn't correctly exorcised from your soul by the tedium of education...You know it's like, they're talking, Julian and Noel are talking to that part of you that really wants to throw a tantrum in B&Q because your inability to find the paint you want reminds you of a childhood episode in Great Mills DIY, where your mum bought you a packet of Revels when you wanted the Malteasers. She says they're the same, but they're not. The Malteasers in the Revels packet have been tainted by the volatiles emanating from the Orange and Coffee flavoured ones.
So yeah like...*audible sound of a herbal cigarette being enjoyed*...Noel is like the chaos of childhood, and Julian is like the order yeah. The two of them have this sort of ying-yang vibe going on that's totally...Different. I mean it's totally far out and removed from the norm.
Their comedy can speak across generations, if you let it take you. I surrendered to them a few years ago, but it took an Ayoade sized skit to force me through the tinsel drapes onto the stage of recognition, before the crowd of understanding, where I had to perform the monologue of absorption.
The monologue in question was called...The crunch.
*adopts posh 1960s band member interview voice. Derek Smalls like timbre*
I think you'll find...yeah...That the Boosch are like the inner child, that wasn't correctly exorcised from your soul by the tedium of education...You know it's like, they're talking, Julian and Noel are talking to that part of you that really wants to throw a tantrum in B&Q because your inability to find the paint you want reminds you of a childhood episode in Great Mills DIY, where your mum bought you a packet of Revels when you wanted the Malteasers. She says they're the same, but they're not. The Malteasers in the Revels packet have been tainted by the volatiles emanating from the Orange and Coffee flavoured ones.
So yeah like...*audible sound of a herbal cigarette being enjoyed*...Noel is like the chaos of childhood, and Julian is like the order yeah. The two of them have this sort of ying-yang vibe going on that's totally...Different. I mean it's totally far out and removed from the norm.
Their comedy can speak across generations, if you let it take you. I surrendered to them a few years ago, but it took an Ayoade sized skit to force me through the tinsel drapes onto the stage of recognition, before the crowd of understanding, where I had to perform the monologue of absorption.
The monologue in question was called...The crunch.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Financial Fun and Frolics
Does anybody else think that it is all just a giant confidence game where every time a negative decision, action or result comes in, it just spawns more negativity?
Thus the whole thing becomes a self exciting dynamo of fail. Can't help but thinking that QE should go into the pockets of the taxpayer directly...Many of us would transfer it to the banks via paying off debt and thus increasing our spending power by the repayments per month. They'd get their pound of flesh and the consumer would be more likely to buy things in shops since they'd be x hundred pounds a month happier after clearing debt repayments away, thus hopefully increasing demand and starting the system turning. As it is, the money seemingly vanishes into the pockets of the rich.
Also, the media seem to enjoy telling us we're all fucked, thus further increasing the feeling of helpless doom and driving consumer confidence lower. Worth an experiment to *sinisterly begins to tilt head to side* silence the media regarding the economy in an attempt to control people's mood, don't you think.
Thus the whole thing becomes a self exciting dynamo of fail. Can't help but thinking that QE should go into the pockets of the taxpayer directly...Many of us would transfer it to the banks via paying off debt and thus increasing our spending power by the repayments per month. They'd get their pound of flesh and the consumer would be more likely to buy things in shops since they'd be x hundred pounds a month happier after clearing debt repayments away, thus hopefully increasing demand and starting the system turning. As it is, the money seemingly vanishes into the pockets of the rich.
Also, the media seem to enjoy telling us we're all fucked, thus further increasing the feeling of helpless doom and driving consumer confidence lower. Worth an experiment to *sinisterly begins to tilt head to side* silence the media regarding the economy in an attempt to control people's mood, don't you think.
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